Sexuality

Ok so this post is very intimate about me. And I'll start at the beginning. For years now, ever since high school, I have been pretty much a loner. A loser. Not many friends. Not much of a social life. Always feel like I'm a freak the way people look at me sometimes. But all of this I came to live with. I have been overweight for quite some years now, and easily learned how to deal with laughing at myself. So I never let those kind of comments get to me. Doesn't mean they don't still leave an impact. 

Anyways, sometime around early January I came across these phenomenal stories about male to female transformation, and it really got me thinking. It really made me start to wonder if maybe I am not supposed to be this way. Maybe I'm not supposed to be male, but female instead. Since then, I have really come to believe this to be true. And I'm doing something about it.

The stories I read, not only made me think of being female, but made me want to completely change who I am. Since I read those stories, I have been actively exercising, cutting out all junk food. And cut down on how much I have been eating. I'm really wanting to turn my life around.

Should have mentioned before that the loneliness I often feel, has led to a depression. Most days I'm fine, but somedays I just have a complete meltdown. Watch out for those days, because I can either become complete out of it and just don't care, or I can become enraged and lash out at the simplest things. Hence, the whole reason why I created this blog. 

But for a while, I have been talking with a great person. She has really helped me the past couple weeks, and made me realize what I really want. She's an amazing person, and should she ever read this, I just want to tell her Thank You So Much! She is probably the greatest friend I have ever had. And I am so honored to have met her. 

Currently, I have been emailing a therapist, and just yesterday we made an appointment. I am really looking forward to seeing her and talking about everything. It's hard to express yourself when there's no one around. My hope is that after college I can begin the whole transformation process. But talking with the wonderful gal from above, I want it now. But I had a freakout the other day, and realized I'm probably moving too fast. 

So my goal now is basically graduate college in spring of next year. Have a vacation in Miami by myself. And really think deeply about what I want to do. But I think I already know what I want to do. Just would love a solo vacation for once! 

The last thing I want to say here is, the amazing person I met, turns out to be a fantastic photoshopper! Like I said, we have been emailing each other about this for a couple weeks now, and she offered to take a pic of me and make me into a woman. Any person might have difficulty trusting someone who says that. And maybe I was a little, but I knew deep down I could trust her. So I sent her some photos yesterday and she took one and made me beautiful. I absolutely love the result! And she did it all within only a couple hours. She made me look so great and now I can really see what I may look like if I go through with being a woman. So tell me, what do you all think?