Therapy 4

So I had therapy on Monday, my apologies to everyone who thought yesterday's post my have been what that was about. Basically we started talking about what I had done since last time. Okay, but first before I begin, my therapist moved buildings a month or so ago, and that's no problem, but I guess now there's another therapist there too. I didn't get a call from her this time to remind me about therapy, so I was a little concerned. I walked in and sat down, and then a couple minutes later a woman comes in and sits down too. So I'm thinking, uh-oh, did she make a mistake in scheduling or something? But then another therapist comes out and greets the woman. So now I'm thinking, "Ooook where's my therapist? Does she still work here? Did something happen?" Remember my therapist is about 5 months pregnant now. But a couple minutes later she came and got me. So okay, back to the session. 

I told her, I had played around with makeup and was just talking with people. Throughout the session, basically it centered on telling my mom. I wrote my mom a letter to tell her, thinking she might want space when she finds out. But now I'm not so sure a letter is best. I think I just need to actually tell her. But I don't know how, and I don't know when. There are times my mind is swirling to just get it out. She what she says or thinks or does. All I know is, I need someone to support me with this. I'm not comfortable holding in this giant secret and not being able to be myself. My therapist told me to think of ways each day I could show my mom that I want to be female. I don't really know how to be any more female than what I've been doing. My mannerisms are mostly female, I get in more fem positions. So I don't really know what more to do. So it dawned on me, ya know what, just fucking do it. So I'm at a point now where my toes are painted, I'm wearing a woman's tee to bed, and I have one of my moms headbands that I use as a bracelet because it's just too cute and it encourages me to be more fem :) Now I'm going out and trying to be caught, but if I am, then so be it. Kinda like, if you are a bank robber and you rob a bank. You're not gonna go out and turn yourself in, but eventually you'll get caught and have to pay the price. So that's just how I'm going to go about it. If she catches me in all that, then I'm sure we'll have to talk about it. But once she knows, I know things will be better off. 

Gosh, really that's all I have to talk about. Like I said, most of the session centered on telling my mom. So I don't really know what other ways I can go about doing that. I'll think of something eventually I'm sure. But for now, I'm just gonna stick with being myself, and should it ever come up, well then so be it. Actually I had a chance yesterday to say something to her, here's the story. 

So I got bored on the treadmill and started biking. Last Friday while biking my bike broke and had to walk back about 2 miles to the house. Now on Monday, my friend that I bike with couldn't go, so we went on Tuesday. I used another bike and it worked fine, but the seat was terribly uncomfortable. My butt is still in pain from just sitting on that seat for so long. Never get a Schwinn bike, or if you do, buy a new seat. So we came back to my house and I grabbed my sister's bike. It's a light blue type color. Wheels were already pumped so I grabbed hers and we went back out. Now afterwards when I was home, I called my mom to tell her that the 1st bike I took had nothing wrong with it, except the seat. So I told her I took my sister's bike. She says "That's a girls bike" and I told her "Yeah, it's not really it's blue." Then it hit me last night I should've said "Yeah so, maybe I want to be a girl" or something like that. That definitely would've raised her eyebrows I'm sure. 

Okay, now that's all I have to say lol. Til next time! Love ya'll :)