Family Matters

It's a rare condition, this day in age. To read any good news, on the newspaper page. But I'm here to tell you some good news! :) I meant to write this sooner, but my stupid internet providers screwed up our internet for a couple days. So here I am now writing this :)

Lately, I've really been feeling like I've been carrying a huge weight on my shoulders with having nobody around me know that I want to be a female. So I gathered up some courage and messaged my eldest cousin if she would be willing to meet with me. She's 28 and very nice :) So anyway, we met up at a bar last Tuesday, should mention she's a bit of a drunk too lol but that's what happens when you're a bartender. Back to the story. I'm not much of a drinker, so we walk in and I tell her I don't like beer, so she gets me a rum and coke (not bad by the way) and we sit outside at a picnic table, nobody else really around us. It started off exactly as I had thought. She asks "so what did you want to talk about?" My hands nervously shaking my drink, I just told her that I wanted to be a female. She was taken aback a bit, but in the end very supportive. She was happy that I was coming out and telling her, and basically we just talked about our family and what they're reactions would be. I thought maybe I wouldn't mind her mom knowing about me, because she's a hairstylist and it would allow me to get my hair done how I would like. But she told me a few secrets about something that happened with her, and in the end, I'm not so sure her mom would be too comfortable with knowing her only nephew wants to be a girl. However, she is a hairstylist and I'm sure she's worked with all kinds. And it's not like I'm really her kid. Only problem is, her mom is not too good at keeping secrets. She wouldn't tell my mom flat out, but I am almost positive she'd be working on somebodies hair, and for some reason transgender would come up, and she'd say like "Oh my nephew is transgender" and somehow and someway that would get back to my mom. That's not how I want her to find out. 

So anyway, we just kinda talked. She suggested a way for me to get my letter to my mom by giving it to her and then leaving for a couple days. She offered to let me stay with her if I wanted during that time. Also, she is in the process of moving and offered to put aside some make-up for me if I wanted. I didn't really say yes, but also didn't say no. She'll be moving out on the 28th of June, so we'll see :) She also offered to go shopping with me if I wanted, but since I don't have a job, I don't really have the money to go shopping for clothes. But someday I will take her up on that offer :)
Anyways, that's really about it. We sat at the bar for about an hour. Just talking about our family, past memories, and how I want to transition. She was incredibly supportive and I love her so much for wanting to help me! It's really great not carrying as much as a weight anymore and it's even better having someone close to me that I can rely on and seek advice and support from. My family is unbelievably amazing and supportive, but yet I am still worried about how most of the members in my family will take this news. Since I'm not really religious, I won't say I'll pray, but I will hope that everything works out for the best. And it's really cool that me and my cousin sort of have this shared secret within our family :) 

She also told me some grizzly things about my father that made me angry and upset. Apparently one time, when her and her brother were at my apartment when I was probably less than a year old, they were making a lot of noise and my mom told them to be quiet. They were still loud, and my dad comes out, yells at my mom and hit her. My mom went to my grandparents and asked what to do. They told her just to ignore it and not get divorced. My grandparents are a tad bit religious. Religion kinda fades with each generation in my family. But my cousin's dad, and my mom's brother apparently went to my grandparents and told them that if they didn't do something about my dad, they were going to "beat his ass". This pretty much just made me lose all respect I had for him. Not that there was much to begin with. 

Anyways, that's really about it. We sat at the bar for about an hour. Just talking about our family, past memories, and how I want to transition. She was incredibly supportive and I love her so much for wanting to help me! It's really great not carrying as much as a weight anymore and it's even better having someone close to me that I can rely on and seek advice and support from. My family is unbelievably amazing and supportive, but yet I am still worried about how most of the members in my family will take this news. Since I'm not really religious, I won't say I'll pray, but I will hope that everything works out for the best. And it's really cool that me and my cousin sort of have this shared secret within our family :) No, I'm not Steven Q. Urkel, but I did do that lol :)

Thanks for reading everybody! Love ya'll! Next post will probably be July 8th since that's my next therapy, but since that's a bit a ways off, I'm sure I'll be writing again before that :)