Hey everybody, seems like as the weeks pass, I have less and less to really say. My depression has pretty mush all but subsided, minus 1 extreme case (I'll get to that in a bit), but I've been very happy as of late thanks to two of the most wonderful people in the world! Should they ever happen to come across this, I just want to say, Kat and Claire, you two have made my life so much better and thank you so so much for being my friend and talking with me :)
Now back to the frustrations lol. About a week ago, I started shopping (online of course) for new clothes. Since I've been losing weight, my clothes don't really fit as well anymore. And I can't really shop for pants or shorts or anything because I'm at an odd fit where either it'll be too small or too large. So I only went shopping for shirts. I had some really cute women's clothes and a couple plain tees over on Kohls. Unfortunately, because Kohls erases your order history if you close out, I was reduced to buying just plain mens tees since it eventually ended up on my moms account instead of mine. Then I had some cute tanks and a sports bra, along with a tee and a polo in mens at Penneys. But as I was almost about to hit the order button, my mom decided to have the clothes shipped to the store instead of our house to save $8. Now because I don't know how that works and my mom would have to be the one to pickup the order. I had to again erase most of my orders. The sports bra and tanks went, but I was able to keep in one women's plain t-shirt. I ended up talking with one of my friends that night, and she kinda encouraged me to go out and get a credit card. Yes, I'm 22 and don't have a credit card, so what lol. But I don't really know how to go about doing it, and it makes me kind of nervous to go out and get one. But having one would allow me to shop at like Wal-Mart online and buy some clothes relatively cheap. So I may do it, I may not. I don't know. I also don't want to be making a bunch of purchases without a job ya know? So that's that for the most part.
Now I want to get on that one extreme case that had me really upset one night. My friend Jill, who has encouraged me and enlightened me to become what I truly feel, will no longer talk with me. See I questioned one day if she was who she says she is. It's really not hard for a guy to put up pictures of a girl and just play it out that way. In hindsight it was stupid of me to question after everything she has told me and advice she has given. But once I asked that, she was pissed. I tried telling her I was sorry time and time again, but never got any responses. Now we only talk through emails, so how was I supposed to know she was pissed? But anyway, one day I wrote on her profile page just asking why she was ignoring me and such. A few minutes later, she deleted the comment. I then sent her a private message kind of being a jerk in a way. Basically asking why she was toying with me. And that even through all that, whether her name was Jill, Jim, or whatever, I'd still like to be friends. Then a few minutes later, and for the first time ever, she emails me at like 9pm. She had never emailed me like anytime after 5pm. She tells me that I need to lay off and give her space. And that if I talk with her again, she'll pretty much never talk with me ever again. So that kind of put me in a screwed position. I emailed her back the next day saying sorry, and that I would never message her again and I told her thanks for finally telling me to give her space. Again, how was I supposed to know that? If somebody ignores you through email after you had just asked if they are who they say they are, what are you really going to assume there? Anyways, I told her goodbye, and it's been a little over two weeks now since that message. I miss her, but at the same time, she hates me. So better to just leave her alone and have hope that maybe someday she'll talk with me again, then to keep bugging her and know she'll never talk with me again. I cried that night and talked with my friend Kat about it. I went to sleep early, and just didn't want to think about it anymore. But somedays I just can't help it, and I miss talking with her. She was my first true friend, even if it was online. But now I have 2 new friends who have made my life gleam with happiness.
So lastly, I have therapy coming up June 10th, that will most likely be my next blog post. My friend Kat, has a friend Matt, who actually said he'd come here to pick me up just to go shopping with Kat just so she would stop asking his opinion on clothes lol. Kat told me he'd actually do it, but I don't really know him too well yet, and I don't want him to drive 6 hours to pick me up and drive back. But I keep thinking about it and how much fun it would actually be. I'm trying to see a doctor because my left ear is deaf, and while there I'm going to ask about an endocrinologist and possibly a dermatologist too. That way I can really get the ball rolling here. There's really not much more for me to report here. If anything comes up, I'll try and remember it for my next post. Love ya'll and have a wonderful day! :)
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