Therapy 2

A tad late when I said I would have this in by, but I'm here now to tell you about my last therapy session. 

So to start things off, that day started with a little bit of a scare. My therapist called me early in the morning, I was in the bathroom, and left a message. In the message she told me that there was something up with my insurance and that there was a deductible because I'm still in school. So instead of having to pay $40, I would have had to pay $60 per session plus an extra $20 for the last session. I worried all day thinking this might be my last therapy session because I can't afford $60 sessions. I called her back and left a message, about an hour later we talked on the phone and told her I only had $60 on me, can't recall what she said, but she said "see you tonight" at the end. 

So yeah, worried all day until 5:30pm thinking this is the last session I'll have until I can get a job. Really thought it would be the end of the line for me. Also contacted the therapist in Indianapolis to see her rates and she charges $125 per session, and that I would have to be the one to seek reimbursement from my insurance. So I was thinking that I would be completely screwed, and really considered that it would be the end of the road for me. 

So I went to therapy at my scheduled time, and we started off talking basically about how I felt after last session and if anything had happened between the sessions. I told her I wasn't really feeling depressed anymore except for that meltdown I had over Spring break. But other than that I have been fairly happy. Then we started talking about me. What I like to do and how I like to bond with my mom. I told her, we like to watch the Cubbies together, and watch Walking Dead and Hell's Kitchen together. Also that we like to shop together. We also talked a little about how I would tell her about my bisexuality and gender change. Still have no idea how to approach that. 

Towards the end, we started talking more about the research I had come across. She seems fairly new to this as well, and you know I told her a few things I had discovered, which I'm pretty sure I've already covered in this blog. It's weird, I really wish I could've gone in there and talked more femininely and openly, but I guess I"m still reserved. I hate my voice. It's too deep. 

Anyway, one of the more interesting things she mentioned to me is that people tend to gain weight because they want be closed off sort of. Like, when you gain weight you've got more kept to yourself. And I told her since I've been losing weight I really have been feeling more open. It's weird, but fits perfectly. But yeah, that's about the gist of that session. Didn't really talk about my gender change as much as I would have liked, I guess because she has more experience helping with depression she's focused more on that, which I understand because if someone came to you saying their depressed, you have to be concerned they might kill themselves. 

Anyway after we finished, don't remember what brought it up, but she mentioned that she was her own secretary, and cleaning person, and etc. She runs a one-woman business. I told her I'm looking for a job lol. She said she'd love to hire me, but can't. Damn I really wish that would've worked out. Maybe next time eh? I kept thinking to myself "I can work for you for free, and my therapy sessions will be free for me." I really hope she kind of considers someway I might be able to work for her. I would absolutely love it! Anyways, she forgot that she had something from my insurance and she's still waiting to get it all sorted out, so I only had to pay the $40. That I was happy with. 

However, she mentioned there might be a chance I might have to pay less and if that's the case she'll pay me back. But I'm still worried I'll have to end up paying more, which would suck because if I do then my next session will be at least $100. Because I'll owe $60 for that session and $20 for the other 2. She really does seem concerned and interested in me, and I know she doesn't want to lose me as a client because she really wants to help me and even told me she'd love to see me one day as a woman.

So hopefully, now that summer is approaching I can find a decent job that doesn't start at 4am, and be able to afford therapy and start saving up for the hormones and eventual surgeries. 

On another note, I have met two wonderful people over the past couple weeks online. One is a woman who I have enjoyed talking with and we have even exchanged cell numbers and talk just about everyday. And yes I know she is a woman for a fact lol. The other is a wonderful and beautiful transgender. She's a few years younger than I, but a few months ahead of me in the process. She's about to start hormones in a little bit. But she's a beautiful person and a great person to talk with. Both of them are wonderful people to talk with! And I love talking with them both :)

One last thing I want to say here, and god I know this is getting long thanks for sticking to it all this way, but I really want to start being the woman I am. But I can't afford any clothes. My wardrobe consists of 3 pairs of jeans, a couple t-shirts, a couple polo shirts, and 3 long-sleeve flannel shirts. That's it. I wear pretty much the same thing every week. So what I want to say here, and I hate begging, but if you are or know any woman who is tossing out their clothes, I'd love to go through them and maybe pick stuff out. Just leave me a message or email me at Cbayne914@gmail.com and we'll talk. Thanks so much everybody!